insight,  seasons,  self reflection

That Christmas Feeling

With Christmas right around the corner, only 5 days and counting away, I have been reflecting on the way I feel this Holiday Season. 

This Christmas I feel content. Beyond content. I have four amazing children and an incredible husband, and I have all I could ever ask for. My family is all I have ever wanted. As a child, I grew up in a severely abusive household and suffered major trauma. Trauma, that I have had the pleasure of working to heal, and, grow me into a better person. 

Growing up, the holidays were a once a year escape from the torture that was my life. I was able to live in the magic of Christmas, surround myself in Christmas cheer, and insulate myself in the good tidings and well wishes of the season. I lived most of my life, from Christmas to Christmas.

In the present, I live for each intoxicating moment of the organized chaos that is life with children. I have a supportive husband, who’s love for me I can feel in the beat of my heart, and I know that his heartbeat mirrors mine. While reflecting on how I feel this Christmas, I realized I don’t feel differently than I do most days out the year, though this time of year is incredibly special.

 I don’t feel differently because each day of my life is filled with love, good cheer, family, intimacy, support, miracles and magic. I no longer live from Christmas to Christmas, because I live Christmas every day of the year, and that is a gift that is absolutely priceless. 


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