Category: mental health

Prayer for Emotional Healing

Dear Heavenly Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit, 
You see my heart. You see every broken part inside of me. The pain. The anguish. The loneliness. The things that I’m unable to heal on my own. 
Comfort me. Fill me with your love, your presence, your spirit. Make me whole in you. Reside in my heart, filling all of the broken spaces inside of me with your love and grace. 
Heal my emotional wounds. Help me to love as though I have never been hurt. Surround me with your presence as a constant reminder that I am never alone. Provide me supernatural comfort reminding me that I’m always loved and cared for. 
Show me that I am yours. Put my heart back together, using your love as the glue. 
In the name of Jesus, 

Amen

Through the Storm, Rainbows are Found: My Journey through Postpartum Depression

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I have had 4 children in 5 years, including a set of twins. I also have had three different births, a c-section, a VBAC with an epidural and a VBAC without any pain medication. Each of my pregnancies and deliveries taught me so much.  I had always envisioned pregnancy and the postpartum period to be filled with bliss and peace. A time where I would be connecting with myself and my unborn on a deeper soul level, and while this connection did occur, I also suffered from severe morning sickness and a whole host of other health issues, which included postpartum depression after each pregnancy.

Because my pregnancies were fairly close to each other, it felt like I would get breaks from the depression, only to be hit with it again. My postpartum depression would come in waves and has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It robbed me of my ability to connect with myself, with my family, to think clearly and make decisions. I lost my ability to reason, to remember and to be patient. Postpartum depression filled me with guilt, shame, and self loathing; as well as decimating my self esteem to a point where I was unable to feel like I was doing anything right or even able to look at myself in the mirror. I also suffered from Postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts and the desire to self harm.

My youngest child is almost two years old, and I am just now walking out of the dark forest that is postpartum depression, and into the full light of wholeness and healing. It has been a very long road, but one that I was able to walk and gain strength from. Taking medication for postpartum depression wasn’t an option for me, so I followed my inner guidance and intuition to take the steps needed so that I could heal.

Prayer, positive affirmations, mediation, rest, connecting with God and allowing His love to surround, fulfill and uplift me, yoga, tea, writing, and being patient and gentle with myself when my methods didn’t seem to be working fast enough, or at all, helped me to recover and have a deeper love for myself through this process. Depression is an illness. It is debilitating and can be quite destructive, but it is possible to make it through and become whole. It is possible to feel like yourself again, and to just feel again.

I am living proof, that the greater the storm the more beautiful the rainbow. I can now face any storm with the confidence that trouble doesn’t last always, and that through every storm, rainbows are found.

Hindsight is 20/20 : Living and Learning Life’s Lessons


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How do we know the roads to take, if we have never travelled them before? The words in the phrase ‘Hindsight is 20/20’ embodies the crux of the human experience. It takes into consideration that once we begin our lives here on Earth as infants, we are starting fresh. Inherent knowledge that is within us, will be revealed throughout the course of our lives, but no one has access to a personal handbook or manual for life’s trials and tribulations, for heartbreak and pain, and for accepting and relishing the good times and expressing gratitude. These are all lessons we learn, not by sitting in a classroom, but through experience, which is the greatest teacher of all. 

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To learn the lessons that our soul craves, the very lessons that we signed up for before our physical bodies were formed, we must be involved in situations where the lesson is learned. These lessons are taught everyday within our lives. We can learn so much from the reactions that we have to minor disturbances that disrupts our everyday calm, and also to earth shattering events, from which our lives are changed forever. 

Until we experience these lessons by living them out, we will not know what the right path is for us. Until we experience the effects that a negative reaction can have on those close to us, we will not know that the positive reaction is the one that is most beneficial. Trial and error. That is the song of life. This is nothing to be ashamed of and should be embraced wholeheartedly, because from these trials and errors, comes invaluable knowledge that will be needed along our soul path. 

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When you come out to your car to find the battery is dead and you must wait for a jump, you are being taught patience. When confronted with a situation where you have to share your feelings on another’s actions, you learn that all truth can be communicated in love. In communicating through tough issues where disagreements can occur, you realize that reciprocity and mutuality is important, as all people have thoughts, feelings and perspectives that should be respected and acknowledged, even if they are not agreed upon. Receiving an incorrect order at a restaurant can turn into a lesson in letting go, and an opportunity to demonstrate kindness. It is one thing to read about love and a whole other thing to receive and give love in action. 

The list goes on and on and most of these lessons aren’t even realized until one is looking over the situation in hindsight. When reviewing your life for lessons to be learned, do not count out hindsight to reveal the lessons that may have first appeared to be hidden. 


Using Anxiety as a Tool for Self Awareness

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Anxiety robs you of your joy, disrupts your mental state and can wreak havoc in your life and relationships with family and friends. When you suffer from anxiety, simple tasks become extremely overwhelming. Anxiety, in any of its forms, is not fun to deal with, and can be very painful physically, emotionally and mentally. 

All of this being said, I have discovered that I can use anxiety and anxious feelings to my advantage, as a tool for self awareness. Viewing anxiety as a tool for self awareness and a benefit, instead of a hindrance, has helped me to move past moments of anxiety with gratitude and ease, and has enabled me to regain emotional stasis much quicker. I am providing my steps for using anxiety as a tool of emotional awareness, below, and hopefully they will prove to be beneficial in your journey of health and happiness. 

  • I acknowledge the anxious feelings or thoughts, and ask myself why I’m having them. This helps me to trace the root cause, for example, I may feel anxious about an appointment, I’m not worried about going to the appointment but after asking myself some probing questions, I discover that I am feeling overwhelmed with my current schedule and this appointment is just the icing on my overbooked day.
  • After discovering the root cause, I realize that my body is sending messages of anxiety telling me that I need to slow down and take a break. I then look to see if there is a way to reschedule the appointment for a less busy day, cancel or reschedule any other engagements or any other options for making breathing room in my schedule.
  • In the event that I cannot change my schedule in any way, as far as commitments go, I remove something else on my to do list, a chore or errand that can be done another day.
  • I commit to taking 10 minutes to myself to breathe and recenter.  I like to use affirmations to bring my thoughts back to the present and promote mental positivity. I go internal and talk with my body, mind and emotions, letting it know that I appreciate it speaking up to get my attention so I can give myself what I need. I also visualize physically releasing the anxious feelings and thoughts and replacing these feelings and thoughts with feelings of peace, safety and calm 

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Different situations call for different measures, but being patient with myself while I have anxious feelings and accepting them as a way to be more aware of how I feel, and as a path way to positive solutions, has helped me out tremendously. Anxiety has proven to be a wonderful teacher of self awareness. 

The Art of Surrender

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Let us face the facts of life on this earthly plane head on. It is not always easy and can sometimes be down right hard. There seem to be a billion and one things to do at all times, and not enough time or energy to get it all done. Humans are driven to continue to do more, be more and experience more at all times. While this is not a negative at all, the constant busyness and hustle and bustle of daily life, can serve to inhibit our connection to the Great Divine.
It is important that we slow down and surrender to feel the fullness of God’s glory in our day to day lives. In order to do this, we must let go. Let go of our expectations. Let go of the plan that we have created for our lives. Let go of our to-do lists. Let go of the million tiny and big thoughts that swirl through our minds constantly. We have to let go of the idea that we are in control. Let go of the notion that we have to be in control of every moment of every day.
We have to give ourselves permission to cast our cares unto the Lord. We have to give ourselves permission to surrender our desires, thoughts, needs, and wants to God, and have faith that He will do just as He has promised, and that He will take care of us. We have to remember that our true nature is love, and surrender unto that love. We have to give ourselves permission to slow down and breathe. Breathe in the security that is the Lord, the security that allows us to surrender so that we can be made whole. Surrender is a gift that we can give to the One who gives so much to us consistently and constantly. Surrender allows us to release the need to have all of the answers, all of the power, all of the control, in favor of allowing our Heavenly Father to take the lead.

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Because God is the epitome of good, of love, and of light, we can always be sure that surrendering to His will, and way, will only manifest good, love and light within our lives. Letting go, allows God the space He needs to work things out in our favor. We can hinder our own blessings and miracles by our desire to hold tightly onto things which we are not meant to hold tightly onto. We produce stress, and unwanted dis-ease, by thinking that we have to be God in our individual worlds and get it all right all by ourselves, when in fact, God wants nothing more but to ease our burden and to make our hearts light.
We cannot lighten a load that we refuse to let go of. Surrender is a constant process, we have to begin each day with a heart that is willing to let go and give to God. We have to make the conscious decision to let go of worry, anxiety, disappointments, irritations and the million other emotions and situations we may encounter, in favor of a lighter heart, a clearer mind, and a spirit that is filled with love and joy.


The Healing Abilities of Gentleness, Kindness, and Love

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Healing, in all of its forms, takes time. The healing process from deep wounds mentally, or emotionally, can be very painful and need to be dealt with head on, with love, kindness and gentleness.

Most do not view or treat themselves with love and kindness, when dealing with emotional or mental wounds and instead push themselves to get past the wound, instead of bearing with themselves in love and support while the healing occurs. When I was deep in the midst of postpartum depression, which I suffered after all three of my births, I made the mistake of trying to push myself through it. I would tell myself that I just needed to keep moving, to shake it off, to pretend like it wasn’t as debilitating it was, and to act normal and speed up my healing, when all I really wanted to do was slow down and rest. I also blamed myself for a mental disorder that I had no control over and that I did not inflict upon myself. I didn’t give myself what I needed to heal, and I wasn’t kind to myself during the process for a very long time.

Mental wellness is essential to a life well lived and to overall health and satisfaction, but the importance of mental wellness is generally overlooked, as we live in a society where it is not appropriate to slow down and take care of ourselves. We are encouraged to take care of others, but very rarely, are we encouraged to take care of ourselves for our own wellbeing and benefit. It wasn’t until I asked myself the tough questions and really took the time to listen, did I realize the error of my ways. I realized that my brain had endured many traumatic events throughout its lifetime, including the hormonal and chemical changes during and after pregnancy, and it needed to rest. I realized that healing is not something that can be rushed, nor should it ever be rushed. The lack of kindness that I had received during my lifetime, led me to treat myself with harshness and I had to teach myself how to speak encouragingly, kindly and lovingly to myself, something that comes natural to me when interacting with others, but didn’t come easily when I interacted with myself.  This negative self talk was magnified by the depression and would take me into a vicious cycle of feeling unworthy and worthless.

I began to make the conscious decision to notice when things weren’t coming easy to me due to my mental state, for example I was more forgetful and had a hard time forming sentences that described the way I was thinking, and treat myself with extra gentleness and kindness in these moments. I began to tell myself it was okay that I couldn’t remember things as well, and that it wasn’t a big deal, I was still healing and, even if I had a long way to go,  I had come a very long way. I could feel my self esteem increasing with every positive conversation that I had with myself.

I am still making positive self talk a habit. I am still learning and I am a work in progress, but I have gained the ability to notice when negative self talk is occurring, be able to pinpoint if it is being magnified by any current stressors and reroute the conversation to a positive perspective. When I find myself speaking to myself negatively, I stop and apologize to myself and offer myself forgiveness, because I deserve to forgive myself and begin anew. Being kinder to myself, has given me the ability to be even more kind and patient to the people around me, especially my loved ones. Treating yourself with kindness, gentleness and love is a gift, and it is a gift that you deserve to both give and receive.

When Momming Gets Tough

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and a contrite heart— These, O God, You will not despise.”
Psalms 51:17 NKJV

As a mom it feels like there are some days that just bring you to your knees. And not even just one day in our continuous parade of constant motion, but sometimes, it’s several days strung together where you feel like you just can’t go on. You’re so tired. There’s so much to be done. And you want to enjoy the moments and not just rush through them, but there doesn’t seem like there is time for a break. Not when you have little people clinging to your every limb, word and heart string. Little people who absolutely need you in every single way and are pretty much helpless without you. Even going to the bathroom does not provide solace of time alone, because there is a little person screaming looking for you, or trying to bust the door down or heck, even sitting on your lap while you pee.

At the end of these days, cooking dinner can feel like you’re climbing Mount Everest, and you pass out in bed just to wake up and do it all over again. Relentless. That is a great word to describe motherhood. It doesn’t stop, doesn’t pause, doesn’t give you the moments that you so desperately need sometimes to just sit and catch your breath. In these moments it’s so easy to want to succumb to the feelings of overwhelm, to just cry, because it all feels too much. But in these moments we are the perfect living sacrifices to our wise and benevolent Father, for we realize that our strength just isn’t good enough.

Our strength isn’t enough to lift us up and give us what we need to carry on, for if it was we wouldn’t get to the impossible place of overwhelm that we so often find ourselves in.
The days when we feel like we are just barely keeping ourselves afloat, are days that we should rejoice for everything that is making us feel this way. For we are being humbled. Our spirits and hearts are being broken, to help us to realize how much we need Jesus and how He can help us if we cast our cares onto Him. We realize that God can work best through us when we are not in the way, and just as we will always do anything for our babies, we are God’s babies and He will do anything for us. That includes carrying us when we need to be carried and offering us a rest in Him that cannot be achieved elsewhere.

I believe motherhood is designed to make us lean on God so that our children can lean on us. Being a mother is a job that we can not do on our own and we absolutely need the help of God to do. We must allow God to take care of us, so that we can take care of others and to do this, we must be humbled.