Thoughts on Forgiveness


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Forgiveness is a word that makes people shudder when heard, because it can sometimes feel like forgiveness is condoning the hurtful behavior of others. Hurtful behavior that has caused wounds within our hearts and has seemed to affect us adversely, causing us great pain. It is the fear of feeling the same pain that makes us react so strongly towards forgiving a wrong that has been inflicted. We fear the pain, and feel as if letting go of the pain and negative emotions towards the person that caused this action, will mean that we will experience the same pain. We feel as if holding onto the anger and resentment will right the wrong that was done.

 Our anger and hurt is what got us through the the initial moment of hurt, of pain, of trauma; but once that moment is past, we are left on a new path but carrying the baggage of a previous destination, with no room to pick up the new emotions and energy that are needed for the current leg of our journey. If we continue to hold onto old negative feelings we deprive ourselves of the ability to receive the blessings, healing and comfort that God is providing us in every moment that we need it. It can be hard to hear God’s voice and feel His presence when we feel clutched in the throes of despair, but just because it is hard for us to hear and feel God, He never leaves us.

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The human journey can be grueling. Filled with ups and downs and very little love, let alone unconditional love. The type of love that can be counted on through thick and thin. These precarious, loveless, circumstances that many of us find ourselves in from time to time, can begin to harden our hearts to love as a whole, which in turn hardens our hearts towards our Loving Gracious Creator. God can never turn His back on us, but we sure do turn our back on him every so often. More often than I am sure any of us are willing to admit. I am sure God’s heart must ache when we allow ourselves to suffer by turning from Him, to nurse the wounds we procure in our journey of life, alone. Yet, He is continuously patient and loving with us. He continues to shine love down on us, even stronger when we are attempting to go it alone.

If we allow ourselves to trust in this constant love and surrender the burden of hurt, pain, anger and resentment to God, in exchange for renewal, healing, strength, and a greater understanding of ourselves and the world as a whole, we can move forward in our journey of life with the correct luggage. The type of luggage that is feather light and does not cause the wearer to tire, because it is filled with hope, faith, and so much love that the luggage floats and carries you along your journey. Whatever we need, we can always ask our Heavenly Father for and He will provide in accordance with His divine will which only wants the absolute very best for you.

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Allowing yourself to let go of hurt and pain and anger, is the true definition of forgiveness, and allows God to work on our behalf because God respects our free will and waits for you to ask for what you need so He can provide it for you. God loves you. He loves me. He loves us and He wants us to feel an increase of His love by allowing ourselves to forgive by releasing all toxic emotions so that we can receive His love.

Through the Storm, Rainbows are Found: My Journey through Postpartum Depression

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I have had 4 children in 5 years, including a set of twins. I also have had three different births, a c-section, a VBAC with an epidural and a VBAC without any pain medication. Each of my pregnancies and deliveries taught me so much.  I had always envisioned pregnancy and the postpartum period to be filled with bliss and peace. A time where I would be connecting with myself and my unborn on a deeper soul level, and while this connection did occur, I also suffered from severe morning sickness and a whole host of other health issues, which included postpartum depression after each pregnancy.

Because my pregnancies were fairly close to each other, it felt like I would get breaks from the depression, only to be hit with it again. My postpartum depression would come in waves and has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It robbed me of my ability to connect with myself, with my family, to think clearly and make decisions. I lost my ability to reason, to remember and to be patient. Postpartum depression filled me with guilt, shame, and self loathing; as well as decimating my self esteem to a point where I was unable to feel like I was doing anything right or even able to look at myself in the mirror. I also suffered from Postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts and the desire to self harm.

My youngest child is almost two years old, and I am just now walking out of the dark forest that is postpartum depression, and into the full light of wholeness and healing. It has been a very long road, but one that I was able to walk and gain strength from. Taking medication for postpartum depression wasn’t an option for me, so I followed my inner guidance and intuition to take the steps needed so that I could heal.

Prayer, positive affirmations, mediation, rest, connecting with God and allowing His love to surround, fulfill and uplift me, yoga, tea, writing, and being patient and gentle with myself when my methods didn’t seem to be working fast enough, or at all, helped me to recover and have a deeper love for myself through this process. Depression is an illness. It is debilitating and can be quite destructive, but it is possible to make it through and become whole. It is possible to feel like yourself again, and to just feel again.

I am living proof, that the greater the storm the more beautiful the rainbow. I can now face any storm with the confidence that trouble doesn’t last always, and that through every storm, rainbows are found.

Using Anxiety as a Tool for Self Awareness

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Anxiety robs you of your joy, disrupts your mental state and can wreak havoc in your life and relationships with family and friends. When you suffer from anxiety, simple tasks become extremely overwhelming. Anxiety, in any of its forms, is not fun to deal with, and can be very painful physically, emotionally and mentally. 

All of this being said, I have discovered that I can use anxiety and anxious feelings to my advantage, as a tool for self awareness. Viewing anxiety as a tool for self awareness and a benefit, instead of a hindrance, has helped me to move past moments of anxiety with gratitude and ease, and has enabled me to regain emotional stasis much quicker. I am providing my steps for using anxiety as a tool of emotional awareness, below, and hopefully they will prove to be beneficial in your journey of health and happiness. 

  • I acknowledge the anxious feelings or thoughts, and ask myself why I’m having them. This helps me to trace the root cause, for example, I may feel anxious about an appointment, I’m not worried about going to the appointment but after asking myself some probing questions, I discover that I am feeling overwhelmed with my current schedule and this appointment is just the icing on my overbooked day.
  • After discovering the root cause, I realize that my body is sending messages of anxiety telling me that I need to slow down and take a break. I then look to see if there is a way to reschedule the appointment for a less busy day, cancel or reschedule any other engagements or any other options for making breathing room in my schedule.
  • In the event that I cannot change my schedule in any way, as far as commitments go, I remove something else on my to do list, a chore or errand that can be done another day.
  • I commit to taking 10 minutes to myself to breathe and recenter.  I like to use affirmations to bring my thoughts back to the present and promote mental positivity. I go internal and talk with my body, mind and emotions, letting it know that I appreciate it speaking up to get my attention so I can give myself what I need. I also visualize physically releasing the anxious feelings and thoughts and replacing these feelings and thoughts with feelings of peace, safety and calm 

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Different situations call for different measures, but being patient with myself while I have anxious feelings and accepting them as a way to be more aware of how I feel, and as a path way to positive solutions, has helped me out tremendously. Anxiety has proven to be a wonderful teacher of self awareness. 

I Am Love: Affirmations of Love

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I am love…
For without love I would not exist
I am created from the very essence of love
My cells move in beat to the miraculous music of divine love
My heart beats to the symphony of pure love
For without love, I would cease to exist
I exhale all impurities
I inhale love and wrap myself in love’s purity
I am love…