Thoughts on Forgiveness


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Forgiveness is a word that makes people shudder when heard, because it can sometimes feel like forgiveness is condoning the hurtful behavior of others. Hurtful behavior that has caused wounds within our hearts and has seemed to affect us adversely, causing us great pain. It is the fear of feeling the same pain that makes us react so strongly towards forgiving a wrong that has been inflicted. We fear the pain, and feel as if letting go of the pain and negative emotions towards the person that caused this action, will mean that we will experience the same pain. We feel as if holding onto the anger and resentment will right the wrong that was done.

 Our anger and hurt is what got us through the the initial moment of hurt, of pain, of trauma; but once that moment is past, we are left on a new path but carrying the baggage of a previous destination, with no room to pick up the new emotions and energy that are needed for the current leg of our journey. If we continue to hold onto old negative feelings we deprive ourselves of the ability to receive the blessings, healing and comfort that God is providing us in every moment that we need it. It can be hard to hear God’s voice and feel His presence when we feel clutched in the throes of despair, but just because it is hard for us to hear and feel God, He never leaves us.

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The human journey can be grueling. Filled with ups and downs and very little love, let alone unconditional love. The type of love that can be counted on through thick and thin. These precarious, loveless, circumstances that many of us find ourselves in from time to time, can begin to harden our hearts to love as a whole, which in turn hardens our hearts towards our Loving Gracious Creator. God can never turn His back on us, but we sure do turn our back on him every so often. More often than I am sure any of us are willing to admit. I am sure God’s heart must ache when we allow ourselves to suffer by turning from Him, to nurse the wounds we procure in our journey of life, alone. Yet, He is continuously patient and loving with us. He continues to shine love down on us, even stronger when we are attempting to go it alone.

If we allow ourselves to trust in this constant love and surrender the burden of hurt, pain, anger and resentment to God, in exchange for renewal, healing, strength, and a greater understanding of ourselves and the world as a whole, we can move forward in our journey of life with the correct luggage. The type of luggage that is feather light and does not cause the wearer to tire, because it is filled with hope, faith, and so much love that the luggage floats and carries you along your journey. Whatever we need, we can always ask our Heavenly Father for and He will provide in accordance with His divine will which only wants the absolute very best for you.

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Allowing yourself to let go of hurt and pain and anger, is the true definition of forgiveness, and allows God to work on our behalf because God respects our free will and waits for you to ask for what you need so He can provide it for you. God loves you. He loves me. He loves us and He wants us to feel an increase of His love by allowing ourselves to forgive by releasing all toxic emotions so that we can receive His love.

Through the Storm, Rainbows are Found: My Journey through Postpartum Depression

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I have had 4 children in 5 years, including a set of twins. I also have had three different births, a c-section, a VBAC with an epidural and a VBAC without any pain medication. Each of my pregnancies and deliveries taught me so much.  I had always envisioned pregnancy and the postpartum period to be filled with bliss and peace. A time where I would be connecting with myself and my unborn on a deeper soul level, and while this connection did occur, I also suffered from severe morning sickness and a whole host of other health issues, which included postpartum depression after each pregnancy.

Because my pregnancies were fairly close to each other, it felt like I would get breaks from the depression, only to be hit with it again. My postpartum depression would come in waves and has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. It robbed me of my ability to connect with myself, with my family, to think clearly and make decisions. I lost my ability to reason, to remember and to be patient. Postpartum depression filled me with guilt, shame, and self loathing; as well as decimating my self esteem to a point where I was unable to feel like I was doing anything right or even able to look at myself in the mirror. I also suffered from Postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts and the desire to self harm.

My youngest child is almost two years old, and I am just now walking out of the dark forest that is postpartum depression, and into the full light of wholeness and healing. It has been a very long road, but one that I was able to walk and gain strength from. Taking medication for postpartum depression wasn’t an option for me, so I followed my inner guidance and intuition to take the steps needed so that I could heal.

Prayer, positive affirmations, mediation, rest, connecting with God and allowing His love to surround, fulfill and uplift me, yoga, tea, writing, and being patient and gentle with myself when my methods didn’t seem to be working fast enough, or at all, helped me to recover and have a deeper love for myself through this process. Depression is an illness. It is debilitating and can be quite destructive, but it is possible to make it through and become whole. It is possible to feel like yourself again, and to just feel again.

I am living proof, that the greater the storm the more beautiful the rainbow. I can now face any storm with the confidence that trouble doesn’t last always, and that through every storm, rainbows are found.

Angelic Affirmations

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I am one with my Angels 
I open my heart to receive my Angels loving guidance 
My Angels are always with me 
My Angels support and love me, unconditionally, as my Heavenly Father loves and supports me 
I open my ears to hear the voices of my Angels 
I receive the love that my Angels have for me 
I allow my Angels to assist me 
I call on my Angels for help and guidance 
I am one with my Angels 

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That Christmas Feeling

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With Christmas right around the corner, only 5 days and counting away, I have been reflecting on the way I feel this Holiday Season. 

This Christmas I feel content. Beyond content. I have four amazing children and an incredible husband, and I have all I could ever ask for. My family is all I have ever wanted. As a child, I grew up in a severely abusive household and suffered major trauma. Trauma, that I have had the pleasure of working to heal, and, grow me into a better person. 

Growing up, the holidays were a once a year escape from the torture that was my life. I was able to live in the magic of Christmas, surround myself in Christmas cheer, and insulate myself in the good tidings and well wishes of the season. I lived most of my life, from Christmas to Christmas. 
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In the present, I live for each intoxicating moment of the organized chaos that is life with children. I have a supportive husband, who’s love for me I can feel in the beat of my heart, and I know that his heartbeat mirrors mine. While reflecting on how I feel this Christmas, I realized I don’t feel differently than I do most days out the year, though this time of year is incredibly special.

 I don’t feel differently because each day of my life is filled with love, good cheer, family, intimacy, support, miracles and magic. I no longer live from Christmas to Christmas, because I live Christmas every day of the year, and that is a gift that is absolutely priceless. 

Hindsight is 20/20 : Living and Learning Life’s Lessons


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How do we know the roads to take, if we have never travelled them before? The words in the phrase ‘Hindsight is 20/20’ embodies the crux of the human experience. It takes into consideration that once we begin our lives here on Earth as infants, we are starting fresh. Inherent knowledge that is within us, will be revealed throughout the course of our lives, but no one has access to a personal handbook or manual for life’s trials and tribulations, for heartbreak and pain, and for accepting and relishing the good times and expressing gratitude. These are all lessons we learn, not by sitting in a classroom, but through experience, which is the greatest teacher of all. 

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To learn the lessons that our soul craves, the very lessons that we signed up for before our physical bodies were formed, we must be involved in situations where the lesson is learned. These lessons are taught everyday within our lives. We can learn so much from the reactions that we have to minor disturbances that disrupts our everyday calm, and also to earth shattering events, from which our lives are changed forever. 

Until we experience these lessons by living them out, we will not know what the right path is for us. Until we experience the effects that a negative reaction can have on those close to us, we will not know that the positive reaction is the one that is most beneficial. Trial and error. That is the song of life. This is nothing to be ashamed of and should be embraced wholeheartedly, because from these trials and errors, comes invaluable knowledge that will be needed along our soul path. 

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When you come out to your car to find the battery is dead and you must wait for a jump, you are being taught patience. When confronted with a situation where you have to share your feelings on another’s actions, you learn that all truth can be communicated in love. In communicating through tough issues where disagreements can occur, you realize that reciprocity and mutuality is important, as all people have thoughts, feelings and perspectives that should be respected and acknowledged, even if they are not agreed upon. Receiving an incorrect order at a restaurant can turn into a lesson in letting go, and an opportunity to demonstrate kindness. It is one thing to read about love and a whole other thing to receive and give love in action. 

The list goes on and on and most of these lessons aren’t even realized until one is looking over the situation in hindsight. When reviewing your life for lessons to be learned, do not count out hindsight to reveal the lessons that may have first appeared to be hidden. 


Why I Write

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From the moment I learned how to write, I have felt the need to write. To unleash and release my thoughts, emotions, ideas, reflections and opinions onto a page in the form of the written word. In some ways, writing is my preferred means of communication. When I write everything feels right. 

When I write, I am able to see different aspects and versions of myself. All of the multifaceted pieces of me and gain the perspective needed to appreciate all of these pieces. A perspective I might not have gained elsewhere or from any other source. 

Writing is my connection to God. To the divine world that surrounds us, but is oftentimes forgotten in the so called ‘reality’ that we find ourselves in. Writing is my solace and my sacred place, where I find healing. Writing is one of my favorite forms of self care. 

I have written myself through many hard and joyous times, and I have written myself well. Writing is as essential to me as the air that I breathe, and my soul feels peace and satisfaction in being able to share the pieces of me with you. Maybe, just maybe, my writing inspires you to write more, for fun, and just for the sake of writing, and all of the beauty and magic that writing brings.